Regroup

I've been struggling with this particular blog a little - - I think it is because my original blog, while a chronicle of sorts, tends to be about specific things - - something I baked, something I did with the kids, etc.. I think in my mind, I've been holding off on writing a lot of things because I keep waiting for something "specific" to happen, deployment related, when what I really wanted this to be more of a stream-of consciousness so I could keep record of this deployment. How's that for a run-on sentence? I've also realized that I don't tend to write if I don't have a picture to go with it, but really, there isn't a whole lot to photograph in relation to what's going on here. So, I think I'll give this blog another shot. What I have to keep reminding myself is that this is really more of a journal for myself and my family. Don't know why I have to make everything so confusing.

We are three weeks in (with 50-something more to go!) but I have to say, things are going well. One of my fears is that I would be bored. I've always looked forward to Steve's companionship at the end of each day, and this time around I am home full-time, rather than working full-time, so I was concerned that I'd never see another human and that the only conversations I'd have would revolve around Legos, Bakugans, and who annoyed who first. Luckily, that is all proving to be wasted worry. I'm "Room Mom" for Camden's second-grade class, we have soccer going on (although ending this week), church, library stuff, and, last but not least, I've just signed on to be Den Mother to ten second grade Cub Scouts. Lord help me.

The boys are doing well, and while they make great strides each week (in dealing with Steve's absence), I have to say I have been surprised at just how difficult it is for them. We are still having nights where Camden has a good cry before going to sleep at night and really, it is heartbreaking. I know how much I miss Steve, but then I think about being seven years old and not exactly understanding why all of this is happening and it just about kills me. Yesterday, as I was rushing around getting Camden ready for school, I happened upon Griff sitting in the rocking chair, kind of staring off into space. I asked him what he was thinking about, and he said, "When my Dad's in Mississippi, my heart has a big crack in it." Two minutes before, he'd been eating cereal and watching cartoons, and two minutes later he was off playing in his bedroom, but I have to constantly remind myself that they are both thinking about this a lot. At times I feel pretty much helpless as to how to help them feel better. This is the part that I really, really do not like.

As for me, I'm doing fine, although I seem to keep feeling very overwhelmed with all the "stuff" I need to do. I know that making a list each morning would really help, so I need to get back into that habit. I think I did it for one day, and was amazed at how much I'd felt I'd accomplished at the end of the day. Clearly, it is also hard to feel as though I'm getting any time to myself but I'm not sure that there is really a way around that one. I've had grand plans of staying up each night, after the boys go to bed, but I'm finding that instead, I'm in bed right after they are, so that I can do some reading. I kind of like that kind of "me" time better than the chore-accomplishing kind anyway!

Steve is doing well and his schedule has allowed for us to have lots of contact with him. I'm glad that the boys are pretty much able to call him whenever the mood strikes, and we continue to use Skype as well.

I hear a 4-year old stirring in the next room, which is my signal to get this day in motion.