Operation Appreciation

A couple of weeks ago, we had the pleasure of attending "Operation Appreciation", an event held to honor all of our Idaho Army National Guard soldiers and their families. The weather was great, and we all had a really good time. We were happy that my parents were able to attend, too. The main attraction by far was the multitude of "jump houses" that they had set up - - I think the boys did enough jumping for all of us, and had so much fun. There were also games, food, face painting, and as always, lots of great things for military families.

This event was the brain child of Lori Otter, the lovely wife of our governor, Butch Otter. That is Governor Otter above, in the blue shirt - - I was actually trying to get a picture of First Lady Otter (she's in the hot pink behind him) but couldn't quite catch her. I'll also add that I was dying to have my picture taken with Governor and Mrs. Otter, but couldn't get my date to go with me. I'm still kicking myself for not just doing it anyway.

After the family fun wound down, the boys headed for home with my parents, and Steve and I stayed to see Darryl Worley in concert. He had driven all night from Montana where he was on tour, to take part in the event.

Family Time

The boys and I were able to meet Steve on base a couple of days ago for a picnic lunch, and a couple of hours of playing on the playground and climbing on tanks and trucks. As of today, Steve is done with AT, but has a handful of commitments to attend to before the week is out. After that, we get him all to ourselves for a few days. We plan to keep Camden out of school for a couple of days next week so that he can have some extra time with Steve before heads to Camp Shelby.

Amping Up

We are still in "amp -up" mode around these parts...have only seen Steve for a period of about 30 minutes in the past 2.5 weeks, but we are about to get to spend a few days with him, which will be great. I know that he is really looking forward to some rest and relaxation before the big craziness begins.

I have been really pleased with how well both boys have adjusted to Steve's absence while he's been at training. We've had some tears here and there, and a couple of pretty decent meltdowns, but all-in-all, they've done great. Steve was able to stop by the house a few days ago (to drop off some gear), and could only stay for a few minutes. The look on Camden's face when he saw Steve was so heartbreaking...haven't been able to get it out of my mind since. I do think Camden internalized a lot of what he is feeling, but that's kind of how he operates anyway. They have both been asking a lot of questions, on a pretty regular basis, so this is good. I'm prepared for the coming weeks to be difficult, but hopefully with all the things we have going on right now, there will be enough distraction to help the boys along.

As for myself, I feel like I have finally turned a corner (thank goodness). We had an extremely stressful summer, which just did not help matters in the least. So many little things going on that didn't need to be going on, which only contributed to the stress already at hand. Pile all of that together and it is just a big ol' recipe for disaster. We made it through, though, and I think the routine of school, fall sports, etc., is helping me get my head back in the game. My parents have also arrived from Maine, which gives Steve a huge sense of relief, which gives me a huge sense of relief. So, many good things are happening. I guess I would say that, come August, I was feeling almost "wimpy" about the impending deployment...getting weepy whenever I'd think about it too much, wondering how I would ever survive (when I know full-well that I'll be just fine). I don't like feeling like that, so I'm really happy to be feeling like myself again. I guess you could say I am in "protective" mode right now...very protective of my children - - making sure the influences around them are positive. Protective of Steve - - keeping things low-stress, and keeping the focus on our family of four. And, protective of myself...not letting others get to me, and not allowing myself to take on other's stress.

My Boys

Packing

A Lovely Send-Off

Yesterday, the mayor of our little town hosted a huge send-off for all of the Army National Guard soldiers in our community who will be deploying to Iraq in the coming weeks.

The turnout was HUGE. It was so comforting to see so many family members, friends, and neighbors coming together to recognize all of our soldiers. I think it was really good for me, because I have been very focused on my little family of four, and the emotional challenges we've been facing, so this served as a reminder that we're not alone in this, and that possibly I can offer support to another spouse or family member who may need it.

I'm feeling extra thankful for our mayor today - - thankful that he went to the trouble of organizing this event. After all of these years, I think it is easy for the general population to forget that there are service members serving in Iraq anymore.

Not Much

Not a lot to write about right now...I'm currently battling with that dreaded feeling that I wish time would quit rushing by, but on the other hand I'd just like to get this show on the road already. OPSEC says that I can't blog about the details, but let's just say we are gearing up for big changes around here. So, not a lot to write about while we soak up family time and continue to make preparations. I'm thinking this space will be relatively quiet for the time being. I will update when I can.

Bliss

Pretty busy around these parts, soaking up every bit of family time we can squeeze in...

Freaky & Creepy

Steve and I attended a bunch of briefings over the weekend, more commonly known as a "Yellow Ribbon Event", in preparation for deployment. We were so excited to actually be going somewhere together, without children in tow, that we didn't really care that we were going to be spending that time crammed into a conference room with a ton of other people. Sad, I know. Anyway, the morning briefings were really helpful - - I found that it all really helped me get into a "deployment" frame of mind. Lots to do, not a lot of time to do it. One freaky thing I came away with was this:

Obviously, Steve has a will, but we were told that I should have one, too. Kinda weird to see it in print. After I finished signing and initialing the whole document, the lawyer handling it proclaimed, "There! Now you're ready to die!" Thanks Creepy Lawyer. You just creeped me out even more!

We also got a couple of these for the boys. I knew the minute I saw it, that Camden would love to have one, and I was right. He has carried it around all weekend. I was set to order something along the same lines for each of the boys, but was pleased that these were provided to us the the Yellow Ribbon Event. All Steve had to do was pose for a picture, and we went and picked them up later in the day. Steve made a comment that it looked like a spaceman of some sort, and the boys made the exact observation when we gave them to them.

Camden had a rough weekend, what with all the Army commotion, I think. Lots of tears and lots of questions. All we can do is keep him talking, keep him on a schedule, and do the best that we can to keep him feeling safe and secure. I don't know that Steve or I were prepared for how difficult it would be to navigate this uncharted territory.

An Update & Another Friday Fill-In

The boys at Black Canyon Park. We're so happy to have a season pass this year!

The summer continues to speed right by us, only now, reality is definitely setting in. Camden has had some struggles (with the idea of Steve leaving) over the past couple of weeks, but seems to be in a good spot at the moment. I think this is causing Steve and I to be more protective of him than we usually are - - it is so difficult to see all of this weighing so heavily on a 7-year-old's mind. We've also both been eating Zantac like candy lately, if that tells you anything!

About a week ago, I was sat down to organize our summer schedule and calendar, and saw in plain print that after company and a couple of drill weekends, we only have 4 weekends together as a family before Steve leaves. Yikes.

Tomorrow Steve and I have Yellow Ribbon, which is where we spend the day at a conference, filling out all our deployment paperwork, attend seminars, update Steve's will, power of attorney, etc. Fun, fun! I've looked at the agenda and am looking forward to getting some new information that I hope will be helpful to us in the coming weeks.

In other news, we are going to an Army Ball on August 7th. I haven't been to one in a couple of years so I can't wait!

Here is this week's meme, "MilSpouse Friday Fill-In". I have to admit, the questions don't really interest me this week, but here they are anyway...

1. What food reminds you of your spouse? Sushi, because we always use to go out for sushi whenever I'd come to Idaho to visit Steve, before we were married. Gala apples, because he eats one every day. Coffee, because he can't function without it.


2. Who would you rather sit next to in a cross-country plane ride: an irritating non-stop talker, or a quiet stare-er? Definitely, a quiet stare-er. I love to talk to new people, but since I'm usually travelling with two little guys, I don't have the luxury of gabbing cross-country!

3. What are your best tips on how to save money? Steve would laugh at this one because he thinks I am bad with money. I like to think I'm quite thrifty. If I need something, I usually check the thrift store first. You would be surprised what you can find there. It is great for finding new appliances because people get new appliances all the time, never use them, and end up dumping them at the thrift store.

4. What is your favorite summer memory? Probably going to the beach with my mother and brother. I think about that a lot these days.

5. Do you believe in ghosts? I wouldn't say I believe in ghosts, per se, but I've always believed that people who have passed away can hear you when you talk to them.

A Positive Spin

Okay...so I've seen lists like this on a couple of other Milblogs recently, which made me wonder what would be on my own "top ten list" of positive things about going through a deployment. Here we go:

1. No alarm clocks. We are early risers in this house by nature, but my husband can't seem to do without his alarm clock. It goes off at 4:00 a.m. during the work week, but then he also sets it on the weekends (usually to go off by 6:00 a.m.). If I sleep until 7:00 a.m. on any given day, then I have "slept in", so don't get the impression that I'm lounging away in bed until 10:00 a.m., making my wee children fend for themselves. However, my sleep is interrupted enough by said wee children, elderly dogs, noisy neighborhood animals, etc., and that darn alarm clock just seems to add insult to injury.
2. Reading in bed. I often long to read in bed every night - - it helps relax me, I have a multitude of books I'd like to devour, etc., but it just isn't the least bit enjoyable when my husband asks every few minutes, "How much longer are you going to read" (i.e., 'when are you going to turn off the light so I can sleep??'). And no, I need my bedside light on...can't do those little book lights!
3. Staying up as late as I want. No, my husband doesn't make me go to bed at a prescribed time, but I think married couples definitely fall into routines and that's just how things go. For me, night time (when everyone is finally in bed) is the only "quiet" time I get in my life, where I can get a few things done without interruption, where I can watch some mindless t.v., paint my nails...basically, not be on anyone else's schedule. Oh, how I love that time, and right now, it rarely occurs.
4. Not putting on a big production at dinner. We are big on family dinner here - - wouldn't have it any other way as Steve and I were both raised that way, and it is important to us. However, there are those days where nothing seems to be going right, and I'd much rather throw on a pot of mac and cheese and call it good.
5. RedBox binges. Steve and I have a difficult time agreeing on movies to watch. There are so many that I'd love to see, but we usually go for something we can both tolerate, rather than what either of us really want to watch. The last time that Steve was deployed, the movie store was my Best Friend, and I am giddy with excitement about rekindling our relationship. Heck, maybe I'll really go crazy and join Netflix!
6. Rediscovering my passions. Again, another fact of married life, at least for me. I tend to put aside the little things I like to do (hobbies, etc.) in lieu of family responsibilities. Granted, if I were a bit more organized, then I could probably squeeze more of those things into my every day life, but at this point in time, the only time they really see the light of day is when my husband is out of town. Will have to work on this one. Just reread and it sounds a little pathetic/depressing!
7. Me Time. I do a pretty good job of getting my little guys on a predictable schedule when Steve isn't around, which leads to more free time for myself. This is probably similar to number 3. While I hope I don't spend the next year staying up late every single night, I am looking forward to that daily opportunity to recharge my batteries, where the house is quiet, nobody is asking anything of me, and I can just "be".
8. Building confidence. While I'd like to think that I am a relatively confident person, nothing shores up that confidence like being in charge of everything. Children, home, cars, family matters, etc. I did not wallow in self-pity during the last deployment, and I certainly don't plan to this time around, either. I love the reminder that I can handle all of these things, without relying on other people to bail me out.
9. The Kindness of Others. In contrast to number 8, yes, but it is so heartwarming to see first-hand. I am not the type of person to ask for help or to act helpless (ick) - - it just isn't me. However, I am always blown away by the care and compassion shown by other people. My radar has been on for the past couple of months, and I am busy making mental notes of those who I can count on while Steve is away, those who will be good role models for my boys in their father's absence, etc. It is funny how these angels in disguise often show up where you least expect them.
10. Beginning the countdown. I am really looking forward to the "pre-deployment" phase to be over with. Probably sounds kind of weird, since that essentially means I can't wait for Steve to leave. That really isn't the case - - pre-deployment is very stressful, and I think Steve will agree, this pre-deployment phase has been a doozy for us. So, as much as I hate for him to leave, I can't wait to begin the countdown for homecoming.

On My Mind

Summer continues to speed by. I drove by my son's school the other day and the school sign read, "First Day of School: August 26th". That's next month. Steve leaves before then. He'll get a 4-day pass at some point in September, before he leaves the state, but as far as our little family is concerned, he'll be gone in just a few short weeks. For over a year. Reality is beginning to set in.

We've just returned from a 2-week vacation in Maine. While we had many fun times while we were there, I'm afraid the stress of our current situation got the best of Steve and I. Lots of arguing, stress, and taking things out on each other. Pretty sad, and not at all what either one of us had in mind for a vacation. The best we can do (and have done) is put it all behind us, and move on.

One thing I have been noticing as of late is that I just cannot handle other people's "stuff". I don't mean other people's issues per se - - I mean, other people's issues with me. Or my family. No room in my brain. I wish I had a t-shirt that said, "My Husband is Heading to Iraq Soon. I have a lot on My Mind. Please Keep Your Drama to Yourself." I know that sounds awful, and awfully selfish, but that is just how I am feeling right now. I mean, it isn't as if I am sitting around every day feeling stressed out and losing my mind. I'm going about my business as usual, but things are weighing heavily upon me. No room for extra "stuff" right now.

In other selfishness, I just don't feel like sharing right now. I sat down to organize our calendar for the next two months, and I seriously have no desire to hang out with the masses. Just want to stay home. I want our precious spare time to be spent doing the things that the four of us like to do. Again, not exactly realistic, but it is what is on my mind.

We are also preparing to complete any "loose end" projects that need to be finished before Steve leaves. Only the mission critical ones will make the cut at this point. I think we are in good shape. Just wish time would slow down a bit.

The Talk

So. Today I finally talked to the boys about the fact that Steve will be deploying at the end of the summer. It has been harder and harder to shield them from other people's questions about the deployment, and the opportunity presented itself, so I just went with it. Our concern hasn't been that we don't want people to talk about it around them; it is more that it seems the general public seems to approach the topic with such gloom and doom - - little guys pick up on this, and that isn't what we want to convey to them. The conversation was very brief and very simple, but it was a start. I'm pretty sure that Griffin didn't really grasp what I was saying, but that was kind of what I was expecting. Camden was very matter-of-fact about it, but did have quite a few questions, such as, "how long is a year?" and "will Daddy get to come home for dinner at night?" (can you hear the sound of my heart breaking for these little guys?) Our conversation then kind of transitioned into discussing what we can do while Daddy is gone, like send him packages, write him letters, etc. I have been dreading this day since we found out Steve would be deploying again, but now that the first step has been made, I feel a huge sense of relief.

Review: These Boots

Not too long ago, the heavens parted, the planets aligned, and I found my self alone in my truck. It doesn't happen often, so I decided it was a good time to take a listen to a CD that I recently picked up at my Family Readiness Center. These Boots: A Spouse's Guide to Stepping Up and Standing Tall During Deployment I found to be a great resource for getting me into the proper frame of mind as we prepare for Steve's upcoming deployment. His last deployment was nearly 4 1/2 years ago, and our circumstances were much different then, so I was feeling the need for a bit of a pep-talk, and I got just that. Topics covered include: pre-deployment, helping children deal with deployment, communicating with your deployed spouse, communicating with relatives during deployment, homecoming, and readjustment. Some of it was a little corny and didn't pertain to our situation, but a lot of it did and was helpful. I think my favorite part of the whole CD was a point the narrator made: "As goes the mother, so go the children." It reaffirmed the fact that the most important thing I can do right now and throughout the deployment is to set a strong, stable example for my boys.