Getting a Grip

The boys are in bed and I'm getting ready to turn in myself. I had grand plans of staying up late tonight and getting some things accomplished, but I am plain tired and think I will try to read for a bit instead. I've spent the past couple of days feeling really down in the dumps - - just feeling so blah. I decided to just give myself a couple of days, but then I need to make that concerted effort to get on with all of this because a long year will be even longer if I choose to wallow. It is not a wallowing about, "I can't do this", but just that I seriously cannot believe that we are not going to see Steve for such a long time. It just stinks, plain and simple.

I'm also seeing pretty clearly that for the foreseeable future, this will be something that we deal with on a day-to-day basis, as far as how everyone is doing emotionally. Camden has broken down a couple of times this week, completely out of the blue. Griffin is still pretty reserved, but very clingy to me and wanting to make sure I am not going anywhere. I'm so proud of how well they are doing, but oh my goodness do they miss their Daddy.

My laptop has been out of commission since this past June (when my battery bit the dust) but I finally ordered a new battery yesterday, along with a high-def web cam. Cannot wait to start using Skype with Steve. It doesn't sound as though he will have great Internet access while in Mississippi, but ironically, once he gets to Iraq, it will be much better.

I am so thankful for modern technology - - it has been really great to be able to exchange text messages with Steve, and even talk with him a couple of times each day. Tonight, while at Camden's soccer game, I was able to give Steve the play-by-play throughout the game, and send him a picture of Cam via text message. I will miss this aspect so much when he leaves the United States, but will make the most of it for now, while we have that luxury.

I am immediately seeing how different this deployment is going to be from the previous one. So very different with two little boys, than with one baby. Before, I was working full-time outside the home, now I am a full-time homemaker. My relationship with Steve is so much different now than it was five years ago. I know that I depend on his companionship so much more than I ever did back then. I think this will be my most challenging adjustment. I know that I just need to give myself some time to get use to all of this.