Boy Things

At the river, throwing rocks. Please note Griffin's classic "pouty face" - - for some reason or another, he wasn't getting his way at that particular moment in time

Steve is really good at being a dad. When he gets home from work at night, he pretty much is at Camden and Griffin's disposal. He gives them both lots of attention, wrestles with them, reads to them, and listens to them. I often forget about how much they must miss that "boy time" with their dad. While there isn't any way that I can duplicate that for them, I have been trying to make more of a concerted effort to do "boy things" with them. Seriously, they are so simple and so small, but seem to mean so much to them. For example, it was cold and rainy the other day, and I think we all had a bit of cabin fever. I asked the boys if they'd like to go to the river to throw some rocks (a favorite activity with Steve) and they were suddenly bouncing off the walls. Off we went, threw a few dozen rocks, and then headed back home. I can't even remember how many times the boys mentioned how much fun they had. Another big one for Griffin is wrestling...good old getting down on the floor and rolling around. I've been trying to do this with him every day, although I'll be out of commission for a bit (just had gallbladder surgery yesterday). I think sometimes I get so bogged down in my responsibilities and my "mom" duties, that I forget they need boy time, too. Definitely not the same as having Dad around, but hopefully it helps!

I'm Glad That's Over With

This past weekend, that is. It was a doozy. It seems that all the planets aligned to create a perfect storm in my home, and it sure wasn't enjoyable. First of all, I had a very difficult time getting my head back in the game, after my 4-day getaway to New Orleans. Even though it was fabulous and I had the most relaxing time, I didn't come home relaxed. All that kid-free time somehow made me extra-sensitive to the bickering, whining, etc., and I just had NO patience for it at all! Add to that, the fact that Steve is now in the "travelling" phase to reach his deployment destination of Iraq. Please don't call me out on OPSEC because I have always been very vague/quiet regarding troop movement of any kind. However, it has amazed me that our local news affiliates have pretty much been reporting all aspects of the travel details. Really, I don't get it. I will stick by what I've been saying all along - - that he's en route, and he'll reach Iraq eventually. How's that?

I found myself feeling very emotional over the weekend. I guess because having Steve state-side these past couple of months was more comforting than I realized. Just knowing that he is now no longer in this country suddenly felt very depressing. Add to that, the fact that I just spent four days with him, and I'll tell you a lot of tears were shed whenever I could get a moment to myself. I gave myself that time and I woke up today and got on with it - - I don't have to like it, but I do need to keep myself positive and set a good example for these boys. They are doing great, by the way.

The boys received such a nice surprise in the mail today from a friend of mine. I have to say, I am so grateful for the people in my life who have taken the time to think of my little guys and who have gone out of their way to send them some cheer. I just hate having Steve deployed, but all I have to do is think about the boys, and really, how confusing and how difficult all of this is for them. I'm just so proud of them. They are the best boys ever. I'm also continually grateful to my parents. It has been so wonderful having them here these past 2 1/2 months. They are so good to the boys and to me and I am going to miss them so terribly when they have to head back to Maine.

Much-Needed Togetherness

After a lovely lunch at Bacco on Chartres Street, New Orleans

Earlier this week, I flew to New Orleans, Louisiana, to spend time with Steve before he left the country to begin his deployment. I'm so happy that I was able to take this trip, and that my parents were here in Idaho so that they could take care of the boys in my absence. It had been a long, long time since Steve and I had spent more than 24 hours, just the two of us (say, seven years or so!), and it was wonderful. Even though I am missing him terribly today, I think that being able to spend the past few days with him gave me the boost I have been needing. Steve and I have never been very good at making time for ourselves as a couple, and this trip certainly showed me how important it is. In every-day life, we don't have the luxury of being able to establish a regular date night, but I know I am going to make sure it happens, one way or the other, when he gets back from deployment. The boys don't know that I was with Steve - - they had really only recently started to adjust to him being gone, and neither of us felt it was a good idea to disrupt the progress they'd made. They were in great hands with my parents, which made my trip that much more enjoyable.

So, now we head into the meat of the deployment. No more cell phones (going to have a hard time adjusting to that), so no texting, and no calling each other multiple times per day. We'll have a bit of time here where we'll be out of contact with him, which is going to stink, but hopefully before long we'll have a new communication system in place. For some reason, there is a sense of relief that comes with this stage of the game. Now, I feel like I can finally start looking forward to him coming home. Probably it would be better to focus on looking forward to R&R. Baby steps!

**If you'd like to read about our time in New Orleans, then head over to my other blog, where I'll be writing about that for the next few days**

One Month Down

Okay, so we are a little more than one month into this deployment. Unfortunately, it still doesn't really feel like it has even started, because Steve is still state-side. I hate to wish for him to "hurry up and leave already", but I don't think I will feel like we are making progress (in getting this over with) until he gets to where he is going. Sounds weird, but somewhere in there, it makes sense to me. I know in a few weeks, when he is actually in Iraq, I'm going to be kicking myself, because we won't be able to call each other and text all the time like we do now.

The boys are doing really well. They really amaze me and I am constantly proud of them. They kind of go in cycles where one of them struggles and the other is doing better. Right now Griff seems to be having trouble, but I think a lot of that also has to do with all the transition he's going through, starting preschool. Today was the first day where he didn't sob uncontrollably when I dropped him off, so we are making progress!

I'm still plugging away, and I feel like I have settled into my new "normal". I miss Steve so much. I knew that I would, but I really had no idea I'd miss him this much. What can I say, I like the guy. A lot.

Thanks, Neighbor!

A couple of days ago, I had quite the interesting interaction with my neighbor. By the way, this would be the same neighbor who offered his help, the last time that Steve was deployed. I'd just returned home from picking my oldest up from school, and we were all getting out of the truck. Neighbor is standing out in his front yard, and we have the following exchange:

Neighbor: HEY! So your husband is coming home.
Me: Huh??
Neighbor: Yeah, they are sending the [insert name of my husband's brigade] home because they don't want them over there.
Me: Ummm....I don't thinks so.
Neighbor: Yes they are! So-and-so told me (so-and-so, by the way, isn't anyone I've ever heard of, but apparently his name was supposed to mean something to me).
Me: That's news to me, but I haven't heard anything about it.

Neighbor then responds with a shrug that says, "Whatever, you Stupid Woman."

What was stressing me out during this brief interaction was that one of the boys would pick up on this and then be saying, "Daddy's coming home????" By some small miracle, neither of them seemed to have heard - - they were too busy scrambling out of the truck, thank goodness. Seriously, Crazy Neighbor...use your head! Mind you, this is also the same neighbor who, a couple of hours later, yelled at me for letting my kids push each other up and down the sidewalk in their Cozy Coupe. Apparently the noise it produced wasn't to his liking.

Regroup

I've been struggling with this particular blog a little - - I think it is because my original blog, while a chronicle of sorts, tends to be about specific things - - something I baked, something I did with the kids, etc.. I think in my mind, I've been holding off on writing a lot of things because I keep waiting for something "specific" to happen, deployment related, when what I really wanted this to be more of a stream-of consciousness so I could keep record of this deployment. How's that for a run-on sentence? I've also realized that I don't tend to write if I don't have a picture to go with it, but really, there isn't a whole lot to photograph in relation to what's going on here. So, I think I'll give this blog another shot. What I have to keep reminding myself is that this is really more of a journal for myself and my family. Don't know why I have to make everything so confusing.

We are three weeks in (with 50-something more to go!) but I have to say, things are going well. One of my fears is that I would be bored. I've always looked forward to Steve's companionship at the end of each day, and this time around I am home full-time, rather than working full-time, so I was concerned that I'd never see another human and that the only conversations I'd have would revolve around Legos, Bakugans, and who annoyed who first. Luckily, that is all proving to be wasted worry. I'm "Room Mom" for Camden's second-grade class, we have soccer going on (although ending this week), church, library stuff, and, last but not least, I've just signed on to be Den Mother to ten second grade Cub Scouts. Lord help me.

The boys are doing well, and while they make great strides each week (in dealing with Steve's absence), I have to say I have been surprised at just how difficult it is for them. We are still having nights where Camden has a good cry before going to sleep at night and really, it is heartbreaking. I know how much I miss Steve, but then I think about being seven years old and not exactly understanding why all of this is happening and it just about kills me. Yesterday, as I was rushing around getting Camden ready for school, I happened upon Griff sitting in the rocking chair, kind of staring off into space. I asked him what he was thinking about, and he said, "When my Dad's in Mississippi, my heart has a big crack in it." Two minutes before, he'd been eating cereal and watching cartoons, and two minutes later he was off playing in his bedroom, but I have to constantly remind myself that they are both thinking about this a lot. At times I feel pretty much helpless as to how to help them feel better. This is the part that I really, really do not like.

As for me, I'm doing fine, although I seem to keep feeling very overwhelmed with all the "stuff" I need to do. I know that making a list each morning would really help, so I need to get back into that habit. I think I did it for one day, and was amazed at how much I'd felt I'd accomplished at the end of the day. Clearly, it is also hard to feel as though I'm getting any time to myself but I'm not sure that there is really a way around that one. I've had grand plans of staying up each night, after the boys go to bed, but I'm finding that instead, I'm in bed right after they are, so that I can do some reading. I kind of like that kind of "me" time better than the chore-accomplishing kind anyway!

Steve is doing well and his schedule has allowed for us to have lots of contact with him. I'm glad that the boys are pretty much able to call him whenever the mood strikes, and we continue to use Skype as well.

I hear a 4-year old stirring in the next room, which is my signal to get this day in motion.

I Love Technology

Skyping with Daddy

We finally have Skype up and running, after a few pratfalls. I ordered a new battery for my laptop, along with a fancy-pants web cam, and then waited patiently for them to arrive. When they did, I plugged in my laptop to charge the new battery, only to find that my power cord was dead. Luckily for me, Dell was super nice and sent the cord to me by overnight mail at no charge. Thanks, Dell! We were able to try it out last Thursday, and it was really great to actually "see" Steve's face. The boys just loved it! Yesterday, Camden was missing Steve pretty badly, so he called him up and told him that he wished he could see him on the computer. A few minutes later, Steve called back and was at the Internet cafe and the boys spent some time chatting with him. So wonderful to be able to do this!